Not to be confused with the popular Bushisms published a few years ago during the former president's hay day, Georgianisms is simply my assessment of the weird and sometimes outlandish things I hear and find in this country.
1. Wine And Body
At first I thought it was just a jab thrown out to try and persuade me to drink with a total stranger at the gym. I later find out a vast majority of people believe wine makes your body "strong." I will say it's probably kept my illnesses to a minimum—at least the "strong" village variety, that is.
2. Allergy Allegories
What's an allergy? Whatever it is, it certainly isn't caused by any vegetation blossoming in the spring or the factory plume down the road. If it ain't a cold or the flu you've probably just not been eating enough bread and cheese.
3. Water-you-talking-about?
There's nothing better than a nice glass of cold water on a hot, sunny day. There's also no better way to enhance sickness. Cold water in this country not only weakens your immune system, it also removes the tissue in your throat (hence the sore throat).
4. Vitamin F
Since I've been here I've been taking a multi-vitamin every day to try and keep my health above par. But I was not aware until a couple months ago that vitamins make you fat. I guess the kinkhali wasn't the real kicker for my fat ass.
5. Wet Feet
I'm really surprised people even get in the bathtub here without proper leg protection. Dampness is the worst enemy to feet (and hair as well) and will cause all kinds of medical ailments if meshed together. You'd better run and hide if you come home with wet feet and your grandmother notices.
6. Living the High Life
Despite the typical walks through mud-lined roads and unbalanced sidewalks, women should always wear high heels when going out. And make sure they are clean, Madam.
7. Take Out The Trash
River banks make perfect spots for cows and goats to roam and eat...town leftovers. It's OK to throw your plethora of garbage anywhere you like, just as long as it isn't near a church or historic religious site. Picnic anyone?
8. Frogger
I believe the game was invented by a Georgian man sometime around the dawn of Russian automobiles, as drivers here have no other objective than to run you (the pedestrian) the F off the road. Horns are an afterthought used to let you know you were almost hit by a vehicle traveling much faster than your guardian angel.
9. Boys and Girls
In Georgia you're either a bad boy, a good boy, a good girl, a bad girl or just flat-out crazy. My family says I'm a kargi (good) beechi, but I still contend that I'm just a young man with patchy facial hair and a 3-lari haircut.
10. A Shared Tradition
If the salt and the carbohydrates don't wear your down, make sure to hitch a ride for all short distances. Why walk 300 meters when there are motor vehicles that can keep your legs fresh and your blood pressure high?
No comments:
Post a Comment